


In your arms

by Lavanyaa



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, Hurt, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 15:36:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20762735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavanyaa/pseuds/Lavanyaa
Summary: "Thank you." whispered Arthur, his lifeless fingers caressing the back of Merlin's head, a smile taking place on his pale face, gratitude warming his cold heart, as he felt the last bit of strength leaving him and Merlin's arms trying to hold him strongly, as if he could keep Arthur from slipping into the void.





	In your arms

**Author's Note:**

> A little one shot about Arthur's last thoughts during the finale episode.
> 
> Arthur's POV.

He was feeling heavy. As if the world's weight had been dumped on him, crushing him, making him unable to push back, to move a muscle. He felt his strength slipping away, his body becoming colder, his senses disappearing as the seconds went by. 

His vision was starting to become blurry. He couldn't see right, as if he was staring into a steamed up mirror. He couldn't hear properly either, there were whispers and cries, but he couldn't know what they meant. He could feel that it was getting harder to breathe. With every breath he took, the pain in his chest was becoming a little worse, but he felt as if his heart was being squeezed. It was painful, and freeing at the same time, tiring and terrifying, yet welcoming. 

He couldn't feel anything, nothing but two strong arms holding him. It was the only warmth feeling he could feel. Merlin's hold. Arthur's back against Merlin's chest, their legs folded together, his arms around his waist, as he desperately tried to make him sit up, Arthur could feel Merlin's despair and pain through the way his friend was holding his hand which was against his waist. 

Arthur wanted to talk. He wanted to look at Merlin and say so many things, but he was losing his strength, and his will wasn't enough to keep him awake. He didn't want to say goodbye. He didn't want to tell him to take care of himself, to take of others and his kingdom. He didn't want to put that burden on him. After everything that Merlin had done for him, he couldn't ask for more. Arthur didn't know how long he could stay conscious and awake, alive. He didn't want to die. The war was finally over, and he just wanted to go home, back to his castle, to his kingdom and the people he loves. Without being aware, his hold on Merlin's hand tightened, and he let himself fall into his embrace a little more, as if seeking comfort from him. 

He couldn't move and he couldn't speak. After muttering _"hold me",_ seconds had passed but he felt like it had been hours. He could feel Merlin's cheek against his head, as his friend brought him closer and held him tighter against him. But Arthur only felt like he was floating away further, while all he wanted was to stay here and there, only for a few more seconds, a few more minutes, in Merlin's arms. 

He tried to keep his eyes open, but he was exhausted. He felt his strength slipping away, even if he desperately tried to hold on a little bit longer. 

His mind wandered, worried about all the people he was leaving behind. His people, his Kingdom, his friends and family, Leon, Percival, Gwaine, Gaius, and Gwen. God, Gwen. His heart squeezed painfully, yet a proud feeling enveloped him, as he thought about her. She was going to be a wonderful Queen. A fair, loyal and strong one. She was going to be amazing on her own. She would get through this, as painful and heartbreaking as it would be, she would, because she had a mind and a heart of a warrior. She wouldn't be alone, she had the whole kingdom, the knights and her friends to support her. She would carry on his legacy. And Arthur couldn't be any more proud. His people and his kingdom, and the knights were in good hands. Camelot would be fine. He only hoped that Gwen would be able to move on. That she wouldn't lose herself in her grief and heartbreak. Arthur wanted her to be happy, and he hoped she would be. She was smart and kind, he could only hope that she wouldn't forget it. 

His people, his knights and his kingdom would be fine. 

Then his mind wandered to Merlin. 

Merlin. His servant. His friend. His confident. 

A warlock. 

He understood now. Everything seemed to be so much clearer. Every chances he had gotten to come out alive of every dangerous situations now have an explanation. Every unexplainable happenings now have a meaning. God, he had been such a fool, a blind fool. His luck and what had protected him this whole time had been by his side, from the beginning, and Arthur hadn't seen it. But he did now, even if it was too late. He knew now. Maybe he didn't know everything, but the fact that Merlin had magic, and had decided stay in Camelot, by Arthur's side, protecting him and helping him to build the Kingdom he always wanted, was the only thing he needed to know. 

Guilt and shame made their way into his mind as he thought about the way he had treated Merlin all these years. He had trusted him the most, but he had, surely, hurted him with words. And he wanted to take it all back. To say he was sorry, to say that he shouldn't have hated magic and those who hold that power in their hands, that he should have been more attentive, less hateful. He wanted to apologize for making Merlin feel like he couldn't trust him, like he couldn't be himself with him, that he couldn't tell him the truth about his powers. 

Merlin had done everything for him. He had been at his side, giving him advice and being honest with him when he had to be. Protecting him and helping him make the right choices. He had always been the most loyal and supportive friend. Arthur had always trusted him with everything. Now he understood that he had never given Merlin the opportunity to trust him back the same way. He had never said or done anything that could have made Merlin trust him. Instead, he had made him feel like he couldn't be honest with him about who he was, and Arthur couldn't help but to feel guilty and heartbroken. Because Merlin had accepted him and decided to stay by his side, after he had seen all the defaults and flaws Arthur has, and he had never left. And Arthur couldn't do the same thing to Merlin. Instead, he had made Merlin believe that he would hurt him if he had found about his secret sooner. 

Had he been such an awful friend? 

He felt his hand, which had been holding Merlin's, fell on the ground, as Merlin kept holding him tighter. It was harder to keep his eyes open and to breathe, to live. He was so tired, he didn't want to go, he had so much more to do and so much more to say, especially to Merlin, but he couldn't. He had no choice. It was his time. 

So with the tiniest strength that he still had left, he brought his other hand up, and rested it against the back of Merlin's head, caressing his hair, staring into his eyes, trying to smile to make Merlin feel less sad. He didn't think it worked, the pain he saw in Merlin's eyes only grew and he noticed how pale his face was, with tears rolling down on his cheeks. 

_"Thank you."_ whispered Arthur, his lifeless fingers caressing the back of Merlin's head, a smile taking place on his pale face, gratitude warming his cold heart, as he felt the last bit of strength leaving him and Merlin's arms trying to hold him strongly, as if he could keep Arthur from slipping into the void. 

He slightly heard Merlin's whisper, "_Arthur, no, no"_, and as much he wanted to reassure Merlin that he was going to be fine, that wherever he was going next he was going to be okay, he couldn't find the strength to speak up. He opened his eyes, one last time, to look at Merlin, one last time, as his eyes made sure to take every bit of Merlin's face into his memory. He felt the last bit of his will slip, and he closed his eyes, Merlin's face disappearing from his view as darkness took place into his being. He could still feel Merlin's arms around him, and how Merlin was shaking, as he broke down, sobs wrecking his body. He could feel Merlin's forehead resting against his own, as new fresh tears fell on Arthur's. All Arthur wanted to do was to wipe them away, and to tell Merlin that everything would be okay. 

But the only thing he could do was to pray to whoever who was listening, to keep his people and family safe. To keep Gwen safe, and Merlin happy. It was the only thing he wanted. 

As he let him fall into the welcoming arms of Death and darkness, he focused one last time on what it feels like to be safe in Merlin's arms. 

And as he opened his eyes, again, to stare into nothing but void, he heard the heart-wrenching cries of Merlin, as he screamed Arthur's name, his voice cracking, and full of pain and helplessness. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
